There are five purposes for premarital counseling.

First, we want to help you build a solid, biblical foundation as you start your marriage. So, we’ll spend a lot of time in Scripture and thinking through biblical ideas as they apply to marriage.

Secondly, we want to help you begin a dialogue about your marriage. There are a host of topics (communication, finances, sex, parenting, etc.) that we think are important to consider before you get married. The good news is that the conversation we are beginning is a life-long process. We’ll solve some problems, but many others will be left for you to work though over the course of your entire marriage. We’ll start the dialogue, and leave the rest to you.

Thirdly, we will point out areas of concern in your relationship. We are all sinners. No relationship is perfect. Despite all of your premarital bliss, you are going to have problems, conflict, and struggles in your relationship. We want to help you address these difficulties sooner rather than later. So, the more honest you are about your struggles, the more you will facilitate the pastor’s ability to help you in preparation for marriage.

Fourthly, we want to preserve you from temptations. Lots of Christian couples do a good job of preserving themselves from premarital sex, but once they get engaged, they let down their guard and begin falling into sexual temptation. Men and women rationalize premarital sex with thoughts like, “We’re engaged, which means we are practically married already;” or, “We’ll be married soon, so what does it matter?”. Even worse, some guys feel a sense of entitlement to the woman’s body because they are now engaged. We want to help you fight temptation and stay pure until the wedding day!

Fifthly, we want to prepare you for the marriage, and not just the wedding day. We often find that couples get caught up in the frantic details of preparing for the wedding day, and don’t spend much time getting ready for the marriage. Premarital counseling is meant to slow you down and help you think about the relationship. The wedding day marks the beginning of your life together, but the marriage will last for the rest of your life. So, it is good for you to take time to prepare for this life-long journey together.

Premarital counseling involves four sessions. The counseling will range anywhere from 8 to 10 hours total (approximately 2 to 3 hours per session).

Here is our five-fold strategy behind the premarital counseling:

READ: You’ll be assigned reading from Gary & Betsy Ricucci’s Love that Lasts and C.J. Mahaney’s Sex, Romance & the Glory of God.

STUDY: In each session you will study Scripture to set a solid, biblical foundation.

LISTEN: On the Ballard’s Bridge website, you will find sermons that relate to topics covered in each session. To reinforce the material we are studying, we will encourage you to listen to a few of the sermons.

APPLY: Each session has application exercises that apply the key ideas to your specific relationship.

TALK: You will have lots of conversations—with your future spouse, with the pastor, with your parents, and with other couples in the church. These conversations will both prepare you for the wedding day and help you to grow in godliness.

Call Pastor Josh and set up your first premarital counseling session.

Finish the marriage preparation inventory, which you can get from Pastor Josh, and drop it off for the pastor about a week before you start counseling. This is the most important thing to do before your first meeting.

Do the Scripture study, readings, sermon listening, and exercises for each session, before the session.

1. Gender Roles in the Family Passage: Genesis 2:20-24
Preacher/Author: Mark Dever

2. Gender Identity in Redemption | Passage: Galatians 3:28 | Preacher/Author: Mark Dever

3. Gender Identity in Creation| Passage: Genesis 1:27 | Preacher/Author: Mark Dever

4. The Beautiful Faith of Fearless Submission | Resource by John Piper | Scripture: 1 Peter 3:1–7

5. One Man and One Woman in Marriage, Why? Genesis 29 | by Josh Engen

6. The Heart of Adultery | Matthew 5:27-32 Marriage and Divorce part 1 | by Josh Engen

7. Matthew 19:1–12 | Marriage and Divorce: Part 2 | by Josh Engen

8. Redeeming Marriage: The Story of Isaac & Rebekah | Genesis 24 | by Josh Engen

From Desiring God (www.desiringgod.org):

• Paul Tripp – War of Words: Getting to the Heart for God’s Sake – Desiring God National Conference (2008)

From CHBC audio (www.capitolhillbaptist.org)

• Zach Schlegel – God’s Wisdom for our Words – Proverbs (2014)

From CHBC audio (www.capitolhillbaptist.org):

• Mark Dever – Wisdom of the Married – The Message of the Song of Songs

• Al Mohler - An Evangelical Theology of Sex – Genesis 2

From Desiring God (www.desiringgod.org):

• John Piper’s – Sexual Relations within Marriage – Hebrew 13:4-5

From First Baptist Grand Cayman (www.fbc.org.ky):

• Thabiti Anyabwile – A Study of the Song of Solomon

From CHBC audio (www.capitolhillbaptist.org):

• Al Mohler – Reproductive Techniques and Contraception – Henry Forum

From Desiring God (www.desiringgod.org):

• John Piper – Marriage is Meant for Making Children (Pt 1 and 2) – Eph 6:1-4

Part 2

• John Piper – Marriage: Forgiving and Forbearing – Col 3:12 - 19

From First Baptist Church Durham audio (www.fbcdurham.org):

• Andy Davis – Children are a Blessing from God – Psalm 127

Chapell, Bryan, with Kathy Chapell. Each for the Other: Marriage as It’s Meant to Be, rev. ed. Baker, 2006.

This excellent book on marriage is divided into three main parts. The first part focuses on the husband, a servant-leader whose authority in the family is grounded in Christ’s love for his church. The husband is one who, as the head of his wife, sacrifices himself for her good. Secondly, the role of the wife is viewed as one of sacrificial submission by which the wife complements and completes her husband, and thus finds true, biblical honor and dignity. The third section, on parenting, flows from the previous two. Love for God, love between spouses, the responsibilities of both children and parents, as well some practical advice about what parents should and should not do are the essential building blocks for biblical parenting. Biblically and theologically grounded, and filled with pastoral insights, illustrations and examples that the reader will find helpful and enjoyable, this book is highly recommended for use by pastors, for those involved in pre-marital counseling, for small groups, and for couples who want and need a reminder of the true intention of marriage.

—Brian Vickers (The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, Louisville, KY)

Ash, Christopher. Married for God: Making Your Marriage the Best It Can Be. Inter-Varsity, 2007.

Christopher Ash’s Married for God is a very good entry-level book on God’s plan for marriage. The sequel to, and a popularized version of, Marriage: Sex in the Service of God, this volume is simply written yet theologically sound. It is God- rather than man-centered, decidedly complementarian, and consistently informed biblically. Chapter 4 on the purpose for sex is particularly helpful. Ash also has good discussions on the major biblical passages on marriage, on singleness and divorce, and on the nature of marriage as a covenant between two parties with God as a witness (see Mal 2:13–14). Also commendable is Ash’s emphasis on faithfulness in marriage. This refreshing, engaging, and affirming book would be an ideal resource for young people contemplating marriage, for engaged couples preparing for marriage, or for married couples desiring to review the basics of marriage or to get their marriage back on track.

—Andreas Köstenberger (Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, Wake Forest, NC)

Harvey, Dave. When Sinners Say “I Do”: Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage. Shepherd Press, 2007.

Countless books exist on marriage today, and they address a variety of topics. Harvey, however, reminds us of the most fundamental truth of all—the truth that is the bedrock of every marriage that pleases the Lord. And that truth is the gospel of Jesus Christ. In other words, Harvey reminds us that marriage is the one-flesh union of two sinners. Marriage is not a romantic dream, nor is it a flight from the harsh realities of everyday life. Instead, marriage reveals our sin in an up-close and personal way. The uncovering of our sin, Harvey teaches us, should drive us afresh and anew to the grace of the gospel. If we are keenly conscious of our own sin and our dependence upon the grace of God, then we will in turn convey that same grace and mercy to our spouse. The book is written in a conversational style and is filled with practical examples and stories, so it is ideal for small group studies, for marriage counseling, and for husbands and wives who want to renew and refresh their love for one another. Harvey’s intention is not to address the theology of marriage or many of the practical issues treated in other books on marriage. What Harvey gives us, however, is immensely helpful: no marriage can thrive without being immersed in the grace of the gospel.

—Tom Schreiner (The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, Louisville, KY)

Peace, Martha. The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective, rev. ed.Focus Publishing, 1999.

Certified by the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors, Martha Peace brings a wealth of personal counseling experience and biblical knowledge to her book for women (and their husbands) The Excellent Wife. Her seasoned counseling hand is evident in the sensitivity she demonstrates to women in all types of marriages. The reader gets the impression that Peace has “seen it all,” making it easy to trust her (presumably) hard-earned wisdom. The opening testimony of Peace’s own adulthood conversion to Christ, following struggles with drinking and plans to leave her husband and children, only reinforces the reader’s confidence that this soldier knows the battlefield she is on.

Peace provides an astounding and nearly exhaustive portrait of the Proverbs 31 “excellent wife” (with the exception of mothering) from texts throughout the Bible. Scarcely a sentence is written without another sentence of Scripture to back up her instruction. Peace takes a strongly complementarian approach to marriage, but she also presents women with very clear guidance for approaching their husband’s sin.

I would encourage pastors and/or small groups leaders to use Peace’s book with two significant qualifications: First, Peace does encourage wives to seek out older, godlier women and church leaders when necessary, but generally she depicts the Christian life and marriage apart from the teaching, accountability, and community of the local church. Second, Peace affirms the importance of the gospel throughout the book, yet somehow the gospel affirmations typically do not filter through to her practical applications. Two examples: (i) Her chapter on dealing with a wife’s anger affirms God’s perfect anger and the propitiatory work of Christ toward the beginning of the chapter; but then her four practical steps for fighting anger include no reference to remembering this gospel truth but simply call women to exercise will power. (ii) A woman who struggles with impatience should say to herself, “Love is patient. I can show patience to him by patiently listening . . .” (emphasis not mine), with no reference to Christ’s patience with her, her new identity in Christ, and her freedom to be patient because she has nothing left to prove—her cause has been proven by Christ.

In short, women (and their husbands) will benefit immensely from the biblical portrait of a godly wife this book provides (I don’t know of anything else like it). But pastors may want to make sure the book is used in contexts where a teacher can present or discuss the material with gospel reinforcement, especially among Christian wives who struggle with legalism and discouragement.

—Jonathan Leeman (9Marks, Washington, DC)

Scott, Stuart. The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective. Focus, 2002.

The Exemplary Husband is wondrously helpful for husbands on so many issues. Intended to complement The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace, Stuart’s work is 343 pages, with 21 chapters and 9 appendixes. Its emphasis is clearly didactic, so the study guides are necessary to help readers work out in their lives the topics that are covered. In fact, because there is so much material covered, unless guys take it section at a time, it will probably become another book read but ignored. This book is a great tool for counseling men, for men’s studies, and for elders’ studies.

—Bob Johnson, II (Pastor, Cornerstone Baptist Church, Roseville, MI)

Priolo, Lou. The Complete Husband: A Practical Guide to Biblical Husbanding. Calvary Press, 1999.

Its greatest strength is the skill Priolo shows in weaving together practical applications in plausible marital settings with sound exegesis of relevant texts of Scripture. He is excellent at giving lengthy lists of questions, issues, topics, hints, and suggestions that any husband can read and immediately apply to improve his marriage. The ten appendices are unusually practical and helpful, covering such things as “Things to say to diffuse an argument with your wife,” and “Guidelines for giving directives to your wife.”

—Andrew Davis (Pastor, First Baptist Church Durham, Durham, NC)

Peace, Martha & John Crotts. Tying the Knot Tighter. P & R, 2007.

This is not a “normal” marriage book. Most marriage books deal with communication, forgiveness, finances, sex, and parenting. They give heart-warming stories, examples of things that go wrong, and lots of biblical principles to guide the relationship. They also help couples to feel better educated about marriage. Christian marriage books (hopefully) ground all of these discussions in Scripture.

In Martha Peace and John Crott’s Tying the Knot Tighter, the primary goal is not to educate or inspire (though it does both of these things). The main objective is to help couples reflect on and reevaluate the foundations of their own marriage. The authors write:

Taking the time apart to refresh ourselves on the foundations of marriage is vital as a couple. This is true for all Christian marriages. Just as the best players never get past the basics of their sport, so Christian couples need to be regularly reminded of the basics of a Christian marriage. This book sets out to provide such reminders (p. 11).

In nineteen short chapters, Peace and Crotts work through nineteen helpful topics: loving the Lord, bible reading, prayer, church, growing together, male leadership, wives loving husbands, submission, living by knowledge, respect, husbands providing for their family, setting the tone for home, communication, facing trials together, conflict resolution, money, sex, and parenting.

Each chapter has a biblical summary of the topic, heart-probing questions that help couples to reflect on their own marriage, and a prayer to conclude the discussion. The point is not to give you an exhaustive overview of each topic. Rather, the authors want couples to focus their time on asking each other questions. They want couples not just to learn, but also to evaluate the dynamics of their own marriage. Many couples read together, but few take the time to ask heart-revealing questions that can expose the strengths and weaknesses of their marital relationship.

The most practical way to use this book is on date nights, weekend retreats, and occasional discussions at supper. Each chapter is easily covered in a single outing. Couples could choose to get away for a weekend and to cover several chapters in the book (when is the last time you’ve taken your wife on a weekend trip?). Or, a couple could gradually work through the entire book at dinner time.

Many of us struggle to ask our spouse good questions. We don’t know how to ask questions that will probe our spouses’ heart. So having a book that provides heart-revealing questions helps. The questions are also useful because they expose sin in marriage. God can use our spouse (and thoughtful questions) as a means to uncover sin that hides in the darkness.

Martha Peace and John Crotts are biblical counselors and were trained by NANC (National Association of Nouthetic Counselors), an organization founded by the godfather of the biblical counseling movement, Jay Adams. Nouthetic counseling is committed to the authority of Scripture. The Nouthetic movement has done a great job of grounding Christian living in the context of the church, reinforcing biblical roles in marriage, and helping people see the sin that so often messes up life.

If you are a pastor, this is an excellent resource to give couples in your congregation. Think especially of couples who are too busy to slow down. Most couples in your church probably rarely take time to re-examine the foundations of their marriage.

Do yourself a favor. Buy a copy of this book and take your wife away for the weekend. She will be thrilled. God will be glorified. And your marriage will be better for it.

—Deepak Reju (Assoc. Pastor, Capitol Hill Baptist Church, Washington, DC)

This record of the history of Ballard’s Bridge is available on archive.com

This is many of the slides and notes from our Counseling and Discipleship class we held in September 2024. Roger Corbin with One Another Ministries taught and led the discussion. More resources can be found at lifeovercoffee.com.

Learn more about Roger’s ministry at https://oneanothernc.net/

A GriefShare support group is a safe, welcoming place where people understand the difficult emotions of grief. Through this 13-week group, you’ll discover what to expect in the days ahead and what’s “normal” in grief. Since there are no neat, orderly stages of grief, you’ll learn helpful ways of coping with grief, in all its unpredictability—and gain solid support each step of the way.

Each weekly GriefShare group begins with a 30-minute video featuring respected experts on grief-related topics and helpful stories from people who have experienced loss. Their insights will help you manage your emotions, gain clarity, and find answers to your questions as you walk through the grief process.

GriefShare groups and events meet weekly at thousands of locations around the world—both in person and online. You are welcome to join a group anytime during the 13-week cycle.

One group plans to meet at Ballard’s Bridge Baptist Church in the Family Life Center on Sunday afternoons at 4 pm - Starting October 6, 2024.

Find a group near you! Contact us with any questions!